Happy New Year!

What do I want to say?  This is New Years Eve for me.  It was a year ago that I began, "The Countdown", chronicling my journey through preparing for major back surgery and the following year or so of healing.   

My hopes and dreams were that somehow my writing would be a platform for me to express and process my emotions, thoughts, frustrations and fears and that perhaps if someone happened upon my bletherings they might somehow be encouraged also.

The sentence running through my mind right now is, how's that working for you?  To which I have to reply ..... not so well.  In three days it will be a month since my right hip was replaced.  Last November was my "successful" triple fusion back surgery and most every day since then I've struggled to keep my head above water, to look for the silver lining.  My original blog morphed into "Diary of a Bad Back Woman", as it became abundantly clear that there was no immediate end in sight for my healing process.  And there too I've struggled openly with the fact that living in chronic high levels of pain, existing with the aid of strong medications that often cloud my thinking, makes processing thoughts enough to mold them into some semblance of a blog often nothing more than a pipe dream.  Suffice it to say, my spirit is willing but the rest of me ....... will try, try again.

This past two years have changed me;  why I stumble along this path remains a mystery to me.  But stumble I do, and surrender I will as I endeavor to let go.  Ultimately at the end of the day, week, month, year all there is is faith ....... faith in what will be.