Silence is Golden

The pre surgery madness continues and I'm so thankful that it comes in stages.  Never has the necessity of quiet been clearer in my life as I try to keep all the pieces together in some semblance of chaos.  Would say order but I've long ago given up hope of ordering anything but a meal in a restaurant.

So what do I know?

For no reason whatsoever my level of frustration is at the max.  It feels like any moment the top of my head may blow off and I'll go running down the street screaming at the top of my lungs.  Not because of anything in particular.  Just pure unadulterated frustration.  How did I get here?  The never ending question that breaks my heart over and over and over again.  Then, in a brief moment, the still small voice whispers, it will get better, hang in there, you will walk again, you will cook again, you will bend, dance, have a life ........... again.

Oft times when I silence my mind, there are pictures, short movie trailers that speak some sought after truth.  Those minutes of peace where I rest in confidence pondering one of my favorite sayings:  it will be ok in the end, and if it's not ok then it's not the end.  Brief moments that once again feel like a warm ray of sunshine on my cheek reminding me that it's time to rest.

All this to say, those smart monks were on to something as was Frankie Valle when he sang ..... "Silence is golden but my eyes still see".